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I agree that looking too far ahead is depressing. I inherited the tendency to do so from my mother (who can worry herself silly about myriad possible futures), but have thankfully managed to change – very gradually – over the years. Much of the motivation has come simply from being fed up with worry. (Being an Exile has helped with this greatly, especially my year in the gym with Fullmetal, where he kept telling me, "Stop thinking. Just push the weight up." It's helped me to be more of the Green Lantern that he saw me as.)I'm glad you've found a perspective that works for you. :-)P.S. – The idea of "owing" one's characters is still mystifying to me. I regard my characters more as ideas—as embodiments of ideals and attitudes and experiences, some real and some hypothetical. (This might be why I like Superman so much. It's not just who he is, but what he embodies and represents to me.)
Yeah, I think I'm finally fed up with worry to and that's why I'm trying to change. The gym really, really has helped immensely....I actually spent 2 hours there today (treadmill, bike, elliptical, pool) and feel...better. A lot better. I can actually feel the poison leeching out of me and can separate my own voice from the depression-voice. I couldn't do that before, and now that I know what it sounds/feels like, I can move past it better. It's a bit of a paradox with me, I suppose. I mean, intellectually, I know that my characters are portions of myself, ideals, fears, traits, mental constructs. But, at the same time...I don't know, maybe some part of me wants them to be real, or needs them to be. It's like taking an imaginary friend one step farther...or never giving up that idea at all. For someone like me who needs a lot of alone-time, it's nice to know that you aren't actually alone or being abandoned because I always have them with me. I know it sounds a little weird, maybe even creepy...but it's helped me maintain a far better grip on reality than you might think. A kind of safety valve to keep me from losing it entirely.
Time to just let it flow. As you have discovered trying to look too far ahead will drive you nuts. There are just far too many variables, and outside influences that you have no control over. You need to let the worry go, it will only give you hypertension, ulcers, and ultimately gray hair. Ever notice the toll that the pressure and worry take on the President? It doesn't matter if he's a Democrat or a Republican, by the end of the first term he's showing gray. Try just flying by the seat of your pants, it can be scary at times, but also relaxing, just let life flow. It will somehow all work out. Drive and ambition can only take you so far, you cannot force creativity to happen. You can be your most creative when relaxed, and just letting your mind drift. Thats where faith comes in for people who are religious, they can just let it flow because they truly believe that God is in the drivers seat, and they don't have to worry about the future, he's got it handled. The rest of us cope in various different ways, meditation, yoga, music, sex, alcohol, drugs, ect. Whole point is everyone needs to unwind somehow to reach that Zen state from whence creativity flows, and it will, naturally. Please do realize that I'm not advocating for any of the vices. Everyone relaxes in their own way. It could be biking, exercising, cooking, whatever. The end result is what counts. Sucess can come the same way, just like a relationship, when you least expect it, naturally. Certainly not when actively pursuing it, just like a lover, it will tend to run away if pursued too closely. Think of all this as grist for your characters, to flesh them out, make them real. You can live vicariously through them, give them the doubts, angst, uncertainties, down side as well as the up side. You're on the right track, you just need to follow through. From what I've seen you have the talent that you need, it's just a matter of harnessing and channeling it. Cheer up! Lose that depression! You are going to be famous someday, I know this, I predict this, and the old Professor is rarely wrong. At least not in this instance!
Thanks for the vote of confidence! I am working on moving through the depression; that's what the gym is for. Having more sunlight helps a lot too. My creativity is slowing the returning, so here's hoping your prediction about my success comes true!
Hi, Kat!Indeed, looking too far into the future can be depressing. It's like looking out into a very dark place called "the Unknown." And of course our dreams and hopes and fears are out in the darkness somewhere, and we don't know when or if we are going to bump into them unexpectedly one day. Really, the sheer uncertainty of this world in unnerving. For me, the greatest comfort is the thought that there is someone greater than me who in control of this very complex universe and my own future. So I pray my way through it and push on, even when I don't feel like it.As for my motivation in writing personally, it has multiple facets. Since some of my characters are actually historical figures who lived and breathed and I believe still exist somewhere, I do owe it to them to tell the story to the best of my ability. Also, my main fictional character is sort of a mutated form of me, so I owe the fictional me some time of day, ha, ha! I'm sure you'll come out on top in the end, Kat; You strike me as a person with lots of resilience, talent, ad kindness. Please don't get too far down about things. Just plod ahead and don't look down, and things will work themselves out somehow. I'll keep you in my prayers. Please do the same for me.Love,Pearl of Tyburn